How to Help a Caregiver from Far Away
It’s a common situation: A family is scattered across the country while one person, because of location, becomes the caregiver. Everyone wants to support the local caregiver, but phone calls and greeting cards can only do so much. What’s needed? Something REAL that can truly help the caregiver manage all the responsibilities.
If you’re trying to figure out how to help someone cope with the daily stress of caregiving, read on. There is plenty that can be done from your own location!
1. Offer to do paperwork or make phone calls. Healthcare requires endless amounts of paperwork. Forms to fill out, sometimes the same ones over and over. Questions from providers and insurance companies. Proof of this and that. Then there are the phone calls, trying to reach someone who can assist with billing, copies, or verification of benefits. If you can take on this (thankless) task, you will not only life an enormous burden from the caretaker, you will free him or her up to provide actual care.
2. Find a respite care program. You are clearly aware of the strain of being a 24/7 caregiver. If you lived nearby, you would gladly pitch in. Know that every community has accredited respite care programs that will come and stay with the patient so the caregiver can get out and get some fresh air, meet friends for lunch, go to a movie, or visit the hair stylist. Start by asking the caregiver for suggestions. Call the patient’s provider for referrals. Then contact the agency and arrange for a “gift certificate” for the caregiver. Even better? Do it on a regular basis. You would want the same for yourself.
3. Give the gift of housekeeping. Every caregiver knows that something has to give. For too many, it’s the home. Dust gathers, bathrooms need cleaning. If you want to do something that “pampers” the caregiver, pay for a cleaning service. Understand that at the end of the day, caregivers have zero energy for cleaning. Zero. A day of a housekeeping service will make all the difference. There are many national agencies, so look one up and make it happen.
4. Find something personal. Before this all happened, what did the caregiver love to do? Read? Paint? Bowl? It doesn’t matter, arrange for respite care and send the caregiver for a few hours of indulgence. Never, ever underestimate the gift of being able to be free for a few hours. This shows that you understand the importance of “free” time, and it will mean more than you can know.
5. Talk. Talk More. Every caregiver will tell you that it’s an essential duty. It’s not the work, it’s the inability to discuss the situation. Without judgment. To just vent. Venting is healthy. If you can offer your ear to listen, you can provide one of the most valuable services to someone who is a caregiver. Don’t offer solutions, don’t try to fix anything. Just be present and supportive.
Caregiving is stressful, no matter where you are. It is also important. Instead of feeling guilty if you can’t offer hands-on care, think about how you can support the people who are present. Factor in the cost of airfare, car rental, and hotels and you’ll realize that you can afford to pay for some services that will keep the onsite caregiver happy and healthy.
